In March, UK Brexit Secretary David Davis and his Merry Muddle of Mayberries will plonk themselves around an Article 50 negotiating table in an undisclosed basement somewhere in the vast, dank, labyrinthine recesses of Brussels.
They will be joined by fascist ex-Belgian Prime Minister, Guy Verhofstadt, the EU’s part-time Brexit Kommissar. And they will hash out the UK’s relationship with the EU after the UK flees that insane and soulless institution.
The problem, though, will be that, by then, the already-walking dead EU might well have finally been consigned to that special place that’s waiting for it in Hell by Italy’s banking collapse, or by Spain’s and others’ runaway unemployment, or by the Eurozone’s collapse caused by Germany’s political implosion, or by nearly three months of Trumpism, or by one of a million shovels that are heading forcefully and fatally toward its zombie noggin.
What do Davis and his Mayberries do then? How do they communicate with a dead EU?
Will the world record its first ever trade negotiation conducted via Ouija Board? And whose finger will shove the glass more insistently when the question is asked and the purported answer received?
Think about it. The UK could well find itself negotiating with a unabashed fascist with all the power of Soviet-style bloc behind him, but without the need to answer to it because it’s effectively dead.
Untethered, the pressure on Verhofstadt to maximize his unique positioning to snatch whatever money and power he can for himself will be immense.
And the pressure on Davis to appear to be non-xenophobic, non-UK-economy-destroying, non-racist, non-grandchildren-depriving and all of those other faux outrage-type things that self-gratifying Remoaners have dreamt up since June 23, will be equally intense.
Davis will still be in a Christmas frame of mind, and Verhofstadt will be in his default Grinchy mode.
Davis mustn’t put himself in the position where he is making expensive deals with a corpse that will cling to and cost UK taxpayers for decades.
Davis must go into these negotiations accepting that he’s participating in a séance, and that any message he gets from the EU is actually Verhofstadt pushing a glass.
There’s no need for the UK to make a single concession to a corpse.
And Davis mustn’t.